Monday, April 20, 2009

Very personal post...

Ok here it goes... my heart is going to be poured out. I am a confused mess lately. I have no idea if I am coming or going. I miss my family, my marriage, my husband.... and I will never have that back. For 10 years... and then all of sudden I am supposed to change and give up. I guess I just can't do that. I was hurt yesterday when my ex's family seemed to not want anything to do with me. That was a huge blow and still hurts today. I never wanted it to be that way, but I guess it's inevitable. They are after all his family, not "mine". BUt I still love them and care about them and miss them. They did nothing wrong, why do I have to let them go?!?!? It's not fair. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry again (like I did yesterday). I feel like I did when Russell left almost 7 months ago. A big part of me wants him to realize he made a mistake and that he does love me and wants his family back. And the other part knows thats not going to happen, but keeps hoping it will. Gosh... how do you get through this?!?!?!

3 comments:

The Chiu's said...

We still love you and miss you. So sorry that you're feeling this way. :)

Anonymous said...

You know that I will always be there for you. I will always consider you a part of our family and a good friend. Youre stuck with me! Love, jane

Dawn said...

You know I am here for you if you or the girls ever need a thing! I am so glad that you sent me the link to your blog, I miss reading your updates. I think about you often, and am hoping that things turn around real quick for you...you deserve only the best!!
XO