Monday, April 20, 2009

Very personal post...

Ok here it goes... my heart is going to be poured out. I am a confused mess lately. I have no idea if I am coming or going. I miss my family, my marriage, my husband.... and I will never have that back. For 10 years... and then all of sudden I am supposed to change and give up. I guess I just can't do that. I was hurt yesterday when my ex's family seemed to not want anything to do with me. That was a huge blow and still hurts today. I never wanted it to be that way, but I guess it's inevitable. They are after all his family, not "mine". BUt I still love them and care about them and miss them. They did nothing wrong, why do I have to let them go?!?!? It's not fair. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry again (like I did yesterday). I feel like I did when Russell left almost 7 months ago. A big part of me wants him to realize he made a mistake and that he does love me and wants his family back. And the other part knows thats not going to happen, but keeps hoping it will. Gosh... how do you get through this?!?!?!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A real vacation!!!

I'm actually going on a real vacation!!! I can't believe it. In May I will be taking a nice long weekend trip to Myrtle Beach, SC. I have always wanted to go there! I am super excited. I'm kind of nervous to be leaving the girls behind, but they wil be with their Dad so I know they will be fine. And whenever they're away from me they know they can call anytime and as often as they like. And I ALWAYS call to say good night and good morning. I have a feeling I am gonna be a total mess while away....but to be honest, I can really use the break. The stress is really getting to be a lot to handle these days. Oh yay... a vacation!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

24 hours a day!! yeah right...

There are not enough hours in the day for what I need to accomplish! Work, kids, soccer, cleaning, a relationship, friends, family, divorce lawyers, real estate agents.... it's too much to handle!!! Forget about me time, I'm lucky I can sleep at night even for just a couple of hours. I have to take time off from work just to mow my lawn!! I do laundry and sweeping/mopping at night after the girls have gone to bed. The couple of hours that Russell spends with the girls on Sunday I spend grocery shopping. It's very hectic and crazy and stressful. I love my girls, I love my house (sad that I have to sell it) and I love my job. I just do the best I can each and every day and try not to plan too much. I don't like getting disappointed when things don't work out as planned. So.... I wake each morning and go to sleep each night and enjoy the time in between as much as I can.

Monday, April 13, 2009

My new hobby...

Check it out.
This is the site I order my supplies from. I have already made my first picture of a seashell. I have 4 more to go to complete the nautical series and then mount and frame them. Lighthouses are next!! Very therapuetic.

Hey.... I'm back!!!

Updated the site... made some changes.... and ready to try this again. Figured it was easier to edit the site I already had instead of starting a whole new one.

So... where did I leave off??? Oh yeah, since I was last here my husband left. I am in the new home we bought and taking care of my girls. First of the year I put the house up for sale since I really just can't afford it on my own. I've been managing the best that I can, but times are tough as everyone knows. I feel like I can't give my girls the life they deserve. So I will sell (eventually) and downsize into something more affordable so I can give Keilani & Evelyn the best life I can.

I also meet someone new! His name is Dennis and he is a bit older than me (9 years) and has 2 boys the same ages as my girls! He is wonderful. Loving father, goal orientated, frugal, romantic, sweet, fun and energetic. He also has been the dad to 3 step-daughters for 12 years and loves them as his own. Thats a winner in my book! We always do fun family things with the kids and pretty much center our lives around them. Since Keilani & Evelyn are my world... it works.

Oh... here is a picture of him....

That was just taken yesterday when we took the kids to play.

Anyway... I will do my best to keep this blog updates regularly. I trying to change many things in my life, so this should be a good place to keep you all updated.

Subscribe or follow my blog!!!!